Healthy Self Care: 3 Steps to Avoid Dysfunctional Frustration

Do you have difficulty saying “no” when other people ask you for help? Even when you have other more important things to take care of?

Saying “no” is a habit that many people find impossible to do – almost like going against the law! You feel guilty about turning other people down. You’re scared that they might grumble behind your back.

However, Cheryl Richardson recommends you do exactly the opposite: say no.

Say NO when you really do not have the time.
Say NO when you really have more important matters.
Say NO when you really do need to take time out for yourself.

This is the most important lesson Cheryl shares in her session during the 2013 Tapping World Summit: finding the power to say no isn’t about making other people happy – it’s about taking care of your self.

What Cheryl means here is not the kind of self care that involves getting enough sleep or eating well. Although these things are important also, the primary kind of self care is knowing what you need and fulfilling it first.

Take a look at this diagram:

Practicing self care

1. You have your primary NEEDS

These are the needs that – when abandoned – result in long term DYSFUNCTIONAL behavior. For example, you might burst out in a fit of harmful rage when you put other people’s needs above your primary ones for too long.

According to Cheryl:

Chances are you’re going to over schedule yourself because you want to take care of other people instead of yourself. You’re too afraid that someone’s going to be disappointed or angry or upset or hurt. You want to avoid that conflict by instead putting yourself at risk.

“Putting yourself at risk” means not paying attention to your primary needs. This is the first danger.

The second danger is operating from a place of fear. You help other people because you are afraid to disappoint or hurt them, instead of helping them from a genuine place of abundant service.

This is why paying respect to your primary needs and putting them above other people is the first step towards healthy self care.

2. Besides your primary NEEDS, you also have DESIRES

According to Abraham Hicks, “Desire is creativity seeking expression.”

Every creative energy in your life must be properly expressed for you to remain healthy. If you restrain this expression, you end up blocking the abundant energy flow in your body and fall mentally ill.

That’s why if you fail to exercise your creative expression, you experience FRUSTRATION. You feel irritated, agitated, and resentful – in other words: you feel stressed out.

This stress comes from you neglecting your creative expression in favor of other people’s schedule. To avoid becoming stressed, you must be able to maintain a healthy level of expression, while also helping people from a genuine place of service.

Cheryl says:

If you were rewarded for being a good little helper, a good little girl or a good little boy, you grew up with this pattern of just being a good helper like I did. You start to believe that your value is found in your capacity to help.

However, the difference between DESIRES and NEEDS is that in certain circumstances, you can shift your focus on helping other people first. The nature of desire (according to the session by Cheryl) is secondary; whereas needs are primary – giving you some “breathing room” to move about.

In occasions like this, you will have to use your better judgement to determine whether it’s more important to express your desires or to help other people with theirs.

Which brings us to the third and final point:

3. How to apply truly authentic, STRATEGIC GIVING

The purpose of the session by Cheryl is to become a person with healthy self care. This is important so you can operate from a place of true authenticity – of STRATEGIC GIVING.

To quote Cheryl Richardson:

Do you want the illusion of being a good person on the planet or do you really want to be an authentic leader who makes a significant contribution to your own life first? When you do that you then naturally make the most significant contribution to the planet.

When you have true authenticity, you can make your unique contribution to your self, your fellow man, to nature, and all life in the Universe – as the greatest version of yourself you are meant to be.

Before that though, you must overcome all the guilt and over giving that comes from a lack of self care. You must know how to respond to the anxiety that pops up when you are faced with a situation where you have to say “no” to someone’s request for help.

This is where Tapping comes in: to help you reduce or eliminate that useless anxiety. Besides Tapping, one surefire method you can do to start healthy self care is to apply boundaries.

By applying boundaries or setting limits, you minimize the energy drain that comes from over helping. You also create more space in your life that you can use to rejuvenate, or meditate to get in touch with your true authentic self.

One example of setting boundaries that Cheryl uses with her private clients is to:

1. Set up an amount of time, e.g 6 months
2. For those 6 months, set up what you will or will not do
3. Make yourself unavailable to help requests
4. Tell everyone important that you are taking time out

Telling people ahead of time will give you room and make them understand. Though it might sound “weird” at first, this technique has been used by Cheryl to great success!

Click here to start practicing healthy self care by using Tapping

Tapping for Fear of Change: The 3 Types of Resistance

Statistics show that 75-92% of people who approach a change fail.

This is a fact related by Mary Ayers during her 2013 Tapping World Summit session about overcoming the fear of change. In recent posts, you have read several scientific researches about the fear emotion and how it affects all areas of your life – especially in terms of achieving financial success.

The first step is understanding how noise (in the form of stress and anxiety) cripples your ability to be resourceful and make the right decisions. The second step is reframing your money myths from a negative to a positive one.

The third step is identifying self sabotaging behavior that slows down or even prevents your success. These three prior steps are essential before you move on to the next step – which is creating change.

The first three steps above are also why a large percentage of people fail to change. However, Mary’s session takes the idea further – how does other people’s reaction to your change affect your success?

In this session, Mary promises to help you:

1. Rid your crippling fear of change
2. Find a Tapping routine to ease fear of losing control
3. Discover an unshakable stillness and calm

Why other people’s reaction to your change is important

There is a saying that says you shouldn’t pay attention to other people’s negative comments. Even so, if you aren’t aware of it, those negative comments can get to you and make you fail.

Other people’s reaction to the change you are making is critical for your success – especially the people who are close to you such as family or dear friends. Even though they mostly don’t intend to do so, a simple innocent (but negative) remark from them is all it takes to make you stop dead in your tracks.

For example, you are trying to start eating with a healthy, all natural diet. Then during a family holiday, you come home and you meet Aunt Maggie who always gave you lots of (processed) food like candies and treats when you were a child.

Now that you only eat natural foods, she makes a comment about how you are now “all organic” and maybe even “too cool” to eat her non-natural cooking.

Even though Aunt Maggie didn’t mean that in a harmful way, a comment like that can still get to the old version of you and make you feel guilty – which eventually can put you off the diet altogether.

Mary Ayers says there are 3 specific types of reactions people can have to your change. But before you go into these 3 types, take a look at the visual representation model of how other people’s reactions affect your own success:

Overcoming fear of change model

As you can see from the stick figure diagram above (who doesn’t love stick figures?), there are 2 parts that you need to take note of:

1. The change and progress you make
2. The reaction and impact you receive in return

When you change, other people will react to your change. Their reaction can have an impact on you, both in a good way and in a bad way. The degree of impact they are able to influence over you determines the progress you will eventually be able to make.

Therefore it’s very important to figure out what types of reactions you can receive, in order to find out to what degree those reactions add or subtract your progress.

1. People who want to help

It’s not easy to speak out loud what you want – a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. There is much anxiety about saying what you want clearly, but this is the first step to take before you can achieve the change you want.

When you do speak out what you want, the first type of people you will meet are the ones who want to help you. However, the problem is they don’t know how to help you – they don’t know what you need.

This can result in behavior as if they don’t support you – when in fact they do. The solution to this is you have to be very clear about what you need and ask for it.

2. People who are spooked

The second type of people you will meet are the ones who have mixed reactions about your change. They aren’t sure whether they support or protest it because your change is making them realize their own discomforts they don’t want to deal with.

These are the people that can make “innocent” sounding comments as a subconscious method of self defense. They don’t want to outright protest your change because that would bring them even more discomfort. Instead they resort to insinuations in the hopes they can persuade you to stay the same.

Their behavior comes from what is called homeostasis – which is forecasting the possibility of perceived loss. They are resistant to change, because in their eyes they are losing something familiar, something they are comfortable with.

If this resistance to change doesn’t change, then the stress and tension they feel (and you feel also) can escalate into an argument.

The solution to this is to help these people see their own discomforts – though that is a more arduous task than trying to be responsible for your own discomforts.

3. The people who outright protest

The third type of people you will run into are the most dangerous – or “the biggie” ones.

These are the people who outright protest your change and demand that you stay the same. Obviously, they are operating from a place of fear. They hold on to the status quo because if you change, that means part of their identity is threatened (because their identity depends on you staying the same).

There is not much you can do about these type of people. The first solution you can take is to avoid them altogether – but in some occasions that might be impossible.

The second solution is to help them cope with the changes you intend to make. That way they can at least get a “heads up” or a fair warning that things are going to be different from now.

Of course, Mary gives a Tapping routine to help you deal with these type of people, especially about the risk of losing contact with these people because you have to “drop” them:

KC:

Even though I’m afraid of this loss,
No matter if it’s real or perceived,
It’s reminding me of all my other losses,
And how painful that was,
And I’m going to be kind to myself.
I’m going to honor the pain,
And the process.

Even though I’m afraid I might leave them,
If I make this change,
And I can feel that in my heart,
I’m going to honor myself,
As I go through this process.

Even though I’m afraid they may leave me,
If I stay and make this change,
I may be making a really big change,
And I honor how scary that is.
I honor the work I put into this.
And I promise myself to be gentle with myself.

EB: I’m afraid they’ll leave.
SE: I’m afraid I’ll leave.
UE: I don’t know if it’s safe to make this change.
UN: It feels like a loss.
UM: It is a loss.
CB: My heart hurts just feeling this.
UA: I don’t know if I should continue to make this change.
TH: Because it’s so scary.

EB: Even though I’m afraid of this change.
SE: And the losses that go along with it.
UE: I can be safe.
UN: I can find some peace.
UM: And some support.
CB: As this changes.
UA: I can do it slowly.
TH: As I need.
TH: What I can really appreciate
Is my dedication to making this change
And honoring myself.

… and take a deep breath.

Remember, the full transcript of Mary’s session and the Tapping routines can be found in the Tapping World Summit material.

Use this knowledge and the Tapping routine to help you ease your fear of change!

Stop Your Self Sabotage: a Tapping Guide by Carol Look

Sophie is a university student who is a high self handicapper, also known as self sabotage behavior.

She even has her own term for this self defeating habit, “pointless time wasting”.

“Pointless time wasting? Yeah. I’ll say, ‘I’ve got study to do, well I really need to clean my wardrobe.’ Yeah, I relate to that. I’m the queen of pointless time wasting.”

This is quoted from a research done by Andrew J. Martin, Herbert W. Marsh, and Alan Williamson from the University of Western Sydney together with Raymond L. Debus from the University of Sydney.

This research looks into self handicapping – the habit of self sabotage that inflicts university students. The research also looks into why these students behave this way, and what the effects are.

Though the study focuses on university students, self handicapping is a behavior that happens across the demographic board. If you are suffering from self sabotaging behavior too, then you are common.

The danger of self handicapping is that it blocks your path to success. This is what Carol Look, an expert on energy psychology talks about during her session in the 2013 Tapping World Summit.

In the session, Carol shares three important points:

1. How to discover the most effective way to conquer self handicapping behavior
2. How to identify and eliminate self sabotaging habits
3. How to use Tapping to overcome the final hurdle between you and success

Before jumping into the Tapping though, I think it’s critically important that you understand where your self handicapping (or self sabotaging) behaviors are coming from – and especially why you do them.

By gaining an understanding behind the reason why, you are better equipped to get to the root of the problem and be able to overcome your self sabotage with more resilience and lasting power.

Where does your self handicapping come from?

According to the research above, the reason why students self handicap are found here:

Christine (HISH), however, was in little doubt that her behavior was used as an excuse if she did not do so well. She said that it was always important to have an “alibi” in the form of an excuse.

*Note: HISH stands for High Self Handicapper

The research continues to give insight:

Christine (an HISH) returned to the issue of self-handicapping when asked at the end of the interview if she had anything to add. In contrast to her earlier thoughts, her comments reflected self-handicapping:

Interviewer: What if you don’t do so well?

Christine: Then you’ve got an excuse. . . . It’s just easier to cope with if you think you haven’t put as much work into it.

Interviewer: What’s easier to cope with?

Christine: From feeling like a failure because you’re not good at it. It’s easier to say, ‘I failed because I didn’t put enough work into it’ than ‘I failed because I’m not good at it.’

From this revealing interview, you can conclude the data that one of the reasons why these students self handicap is due to a fear of facing the truth about who they really are.

One interesting note that can be found from the research is that “now that they were all out of school with no one to push them , some students were enjoying their new-found freedom and this is why they behaved in ways that seemed to limit their success.”

In other words, the reason why they self sabotage could also be correlated to the fact they were not operating from a field they were passionate about (which of course, is another aspect altogether).

To get a clearer picture how self sabotage behavior blocks your path to success, let’s take a look at the visual representation model. From there, you can figure the best next step to improve.

How your self sabotage blocks your success

Clearing self handicapping behavior model

Based on the visual representation model above, there are 5 points you can conclude:

1. The source of your self sabotage is fear

This fear comes from the “natural” instinct of survival or staying safe. I put “natural” in quotes because even though these instincts are very useful for surviving in a physically dangerous situation, they are often useless when it comes to social situations.

In the case of the students above, their desire to be safe is larger than their desire for success. This limits their performance in school and ultimately can have a long term effect on their overall success.

By understanding the source of fear, it doesn’t mean that you can instantly be free from self sabotage – but it does give you a good head start to begin improving your situation.

2. Your behavior is determined by your emotions

In her session, Carol Look emphasizes the importance of pin pointing the true emotions underneath.

Without understanding the true emotions, any attempt of success you do through “will power” will only have a short term effect. In the long term, the true sabotaging emotions will prevail and you will return to the previous pattern of wanting to stay safe.

Carol says there are 4 major self sabotaging behavior that she often sees in her patients:

1. Procrastination
2. Missing opportunities
3. Avoiding change
4. Overspending

There are many productivity tools and management techniques that aim to help you overcome these “Big 4” self sabotaging behavior. However, without addressing the underlying emotional imbalances, these tools will only prove effective at the beginning and lose their novelty fast.

Therefore, it is important to become aware of what emotions you are operating from – is it fear?

3. Sabotage can become your temporary solution

There are people who deliberately sabotage their efforts because they are afraid of success. This aligns with the desire of avoiding change as one of the main four sabotaging behaviors according to the list above.

In order for you to avoid deliberately sabotaging your efforts, you need to develop an awareness. There are 2 questions that you must ask in order to be more aware:

1. What is the downside to success? What will happen or how will you react when you create the goal you say you want to? How will this affect the status quo, and how does that make you feel?

2. What is the upside of staying the same? What do you expect to gain from not changing? What dangers are you avoiding by not creating the new condition that you say you want?

These 2 questions can make you become aware of whether you are still under the influence of wanting to avoid danger and staying safe.

Carol advises to use visualization practices so you can develop a clearer picture of how you will feel when you are in that new condition. You can do this by imagining yourself being in the new condition you say you want to create and then try to feel what you would be feeling in that situation.

When you know what core fears you have, you can avoid frustration and become truly clear on what goals you want to achieve and what success means for you.

4. Achieve clarity on your success

What is success for you? The definition for success is different for each person – to the point that not everyone considers financial freedom their definition of success (I personally do though).

Here is a simple exercise from Carol for you to do to get clearer on what success means for you:

1. I will be successful when …
2. Success to me is …

Fill in the blanks above with your own definition of success. Remember to create your own definition though, as many people make the mistake of filling the blanks with definitions that don’t apply to them (such as “given” from parents, friends, peers, and society).

It’s absolutely alright if you have a different definition – even a “freaky” one as long as it is true to you.

When you know your sabotaging behavior and become clear on your definition of success, the next step is to continue building momentum to achieve even more success (as pointed by point 5 in the visual representation above).

For the final point, let’s practice clearing the biggest self sabotaging behavior – procrastination.

How to clear self handicapping by Tapping

Because procrastination is considered to be the biggest self handicapping behavior – and since it is also the easiest to fall into, here is a short Tapping routine from Carol Look to clear it:

(Remember, if you don’t know how to Tap you can watch a video here)

Karate Chop: No wonder I procrastinate.
I deeply and profoundly accept myself anyway.

Even though I’m afraid to fail,
And that’s why I procrastinate,
I deeply and profoundly accept myself anyway.

Even though I’m afraid to fail,
What if they judge me as a failure?
I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.

EB: I’m afraid to fail.
SE: I’m afraid to fail.
UE: No wonder I procrastinate.
UN: I don’t want to be judged.
UM: What if they judge me?
CB: I’m afraid to fail.
UA: No wonder I don’t get anything done.
TH: I’m afraid to fail.

… and take a deep breath.

*Note: this routine is taken from the 2013 Tapping World Summit transcript. You can click on the link below to find more information about the Tapping World Summit:

Click here to join the 2014 Tapping World Summit

This routine is a good example of how Tapping doesn’t have to be complicated or lengthy. In fact, I’ve found that using a short routine works better for me – a lengthy routine could actually make me procrastinate doing it!

In conclusion:

1. Now you know why you have self sabotaging behaviors
2. You also know how they affect your efforts to achieve success
3. You also have a short Tapping routine to overcome this negative behavior

The next step for you to do is either start or continue working on your goals for success – and each time you feel a sabotaging behavior rising, use this Tapping routine to center yourself and gain composure.

Double or Triple Your Income with Pamela Bruner’s 4 Step Guide

Stressed Over MoneyIf you’re looking for an expert who can guide you to get more from your transformation business, and even get more from your service based career, then Pamela Bruner is your woman.

In case you missed it the last time, Pamela is my favorite EFT expert. She’s my favorite because she combines the emotional healing aspects of EFT Tapping together with her extensive business know how – therefore giving her clients the most breakthrough solutions in solving their money blocks.

In the 2013 Tapping World Summit, Pamela appeared on the 5th day to talk about understanding the money myths that can subtly sabotage your efforts to grow your business or career. After identifying these money myths, Pamela then offered several reframes so these myths no longer affect how you view your business.

Since I am a huge fan of Pamela Bruner, and “financial therapy” is one of my most favorite areas to improve on, in this post you can read what I have learned from Pamela’s session in the Summit.

First off, here is what she says you can gain from Tapping along to her session:

1. How to double or triple your income
2. How to overcome your hidden saboteur
3. How to rewrite your money set point and keep your cash flow increasing

By the end of this tutorial, you will know how to achieve all 3 of these targets.

Before that though, there is a crucial piece of information that you must be clear about.

In the session, Pamela says these money myths come from two sources: one, they come from social repetition. Two, they are centered on fear.

In other words, the money myths that are infesting your brain like a squirming parasite are the result of long term exposure to negative messages constantly repeated by the people around you. These people include family members, friends, and people from your neighborhood.

But is that true? Sure you hear the idea said often, but is there actual empirical data that proves negative messaging does affect your financial behaviors?

Fortunately, there is an ongoing study by Brad Klontz, a research associate Professor at Kansas State University, that shows how negative beliefs do affect your financial behavior.

Where do your money myths come from?

The research done by Professor Klontz is called the Klontz-Money Script Inventory or Klontz-MSI.

This is a measurement tool which can be used by practitioners (financial therapists) to “quickly and somewhat accurately assess potentially problematic attitudes of clients that may interfere with accomplishing financial goals.”

The research is “based on an original list of 72 commonly heard money scripts (or beliefs).”

From these money scripts, the research team was able to reveal four distinct money beliefs:

1. Money avoidance
2. Money worship
3. Money status
4. Money vigilance

Apparently, none are better than the other. For example, people who have the money avoidance script have beliefs such as “rich people are greedy”, while the ones with money vigilance believe that it’s alright to keep secrets from your spouse about financial matters.

The research goes on to say:

“In the present study, money avoiders were found to have lower (or unknown) levels of income and net worth. This finding is consistent with that of Tang (1992) who observed that higher income individuals were less likely to view money as being bad or evil than lower income individuals.

It is not possible to determine if lower income and net worth precedes money avoidant beliefs or if money avoidant beliefs prevent a person from attaining higher levels of income and net worth.”

Regarding that last sentence, although Prof. Klontz can’t scientifically determine whether people have lower income because of their beliefs or vice versa, you can safely conclude that it is the case.

How is that? The model that I use daily is the one found in Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”. If you follow his “manifestation model”, then you will find a model that looks like this:

Thoughts → Image → Work → Results

Therefore, according to the Napoleon Hill model, thoughts precede work, which precedes results. In other words, your thoughts (or beliefs) determine the outcome you obtain.

Here, it’s safe to say that money avoidant beliefs do precede a lower income. The effect of this is: if you want a higher income, then you need to replace your destructive money beliefs with constructive ones.

One more insight from the Klontz research:

“Klontz and Klontz (2009) hypothesized that an individual’s financial comfort zone (FCZ) – or the socioeconomic class in which he or she is most comfortable – is typically established in childhood and anchored by culturally-bound and often erroneous assumptions about money and wealth.”

This hypothesis can be reinforced with Prof. Albert Bandura’s social learning theory, which states that “social behavior (any type of behavior that we display socially) is learned primarily by observing and imitating the actions of others.”

In other words: if you grew up in an environment where erroneous assumptions about money and wealth were dominant, then you would have picked up those assumptions through observing and imitating it.

Now, isn’t that dangerous?

How to reframe your money myths

Now that you know why and how you developed these money beliefs, it should be easier to reframe them. This is because conscious awareness of your mental behavior greatly increases the chance that you can change it intentionally.

Let’s return to Pamela Bruner and her approach to reframe the negative beliefs that you picked up when you subconsciously imitated the people around you. What reframing means is you change the destructive beliefs you have around money and reframe them with constructive ones.

The visual representation of how these money myths block your path to success is as follows:

Reframing money myths model

As you can see, in order for you to be in the position of earning to be paid, you must reframe your money myths. According to Pamela, here are the four major money myths and how to reframe them:

Money myth #1: These are my gifts, I should give them away

When you start your own business or build a career in a field you love, it almost doesn’t feel fair.

I personally experience this: while my friends moan about how awful their boss is treating them or how late their paycheck is arriving this month, I am enjoying what I do.

I don’t dread Mondays, and work feels like play to me. However, the downside to this is I can become complacent with less than the reward I deserve.

Because when you love what you do as work, you might feel a sense of “guilt” and attempt to trade that guilt by offering your services for a low rate. This, Pamela calls, is a destructive money belief.

Instead, the reframe that you need is to actually make sure you are rewarded abundantly for using your gifts. This is right, because when you use your gifts to create more transformation in the world, then you should be rewarded handsomely.

Money myth #2: Cheaper is better

No, it is not! If you think that offering your time or services at a lower price means you can help more people, think again!

Setting your price has a lot to do with your money set point (also known as your financial thermostat). Pamela illustrates this idea beautifully by giving an example of staying at a hotel.

How would you feel about staying at a $100 per night hotel? For some people, that would probably fit into their budget, while for other people that might be too expensive or even too cheap.

Too cheap? For someone who is accustomed to staying at $500 a night hotels, she would be uncomfortable making reservations at a “cheap” hotel.

On the other hand, the person who is alright with $100 per night, would be suspicious about a hotel that offers a room for $25 a night. How would that make you feel?

Which money set point do you have? How much would you pay for something?

How much would you pay yourself? The reframe for this is if you charge to cheap for your time, you end up not being able to devote enough time to make the transformation happen.

If you charge cheaper, then you have to take in more work. If you take in more work, you will have less time to devote to each project. Eventually, you won’t be able to deliver the level of quality each project deserves.

Money myth #3: I can’t increase my rates

This money myth has a strong correlation with the second money myth above.

It applies mostly if you have your own business, but it can also apply if you are an employee meaning you believe you can’t ask for a raise. Both of these beliefs are affected by your money set point.

To raise your money set point, Pamela gives the following Tapping routine:

EB: There’s no way I can double my rates.
SE: No one will pay it.
UE: I’m really afraid all my clients will go away.
UN: And I don’t know that I’ll get new ones.
CP: I know there are people out there.
CB: Who does have more money.
UA: But I’m not sure how to reach them.
TH: I know there are people who buy Mercedes and Lexus cars.

EB: If I started seeing it as the Mercedes of transformation.
SE: Then I’d want to price it that way.
UE: Because if we didn’t charge enough for a Mercedes.
UN: People wouldn’t value it.
CP: And I don’t want anyone walking away from my transformation.
CB: Saying it’s not very important.
UA: I don’t have to put much attention on this.
TH: Because the truth about the service I offer.

EB: Is it makes a huge difference in people’s lives.
SE: I wonder if it’s possible.
UE: That I need to charge for that.
UN: So they pay attention to it.
CP: I will attract different people.
CB: People who really value what I offer.
UA: People who have a higher money set point.
TH: Who are willing to invest in themselves through me.

(This is a condensed version of the full Tapping script. If you upgraded to the 2013 Tapping World Summit Gold or Platinum package, you can find the script in the accompanying workbook)

I agree with what Pamela describes as the “Mercedes” people. When you start to value yourself more, you start to attract the people who are on the same money set point as you are.

Meaning, that whatever you charge as your business rate (or your salary rate), there are clients and employers who are willing to give you that amount because they value the service you can deliver.

Your job then is to first raise your money set point, then go about your business in order to find the people who will want to do work with you on the level that makes you feel adequately rewarded.

Money myth #4: How can I serve everyone?

As benevolent as that question might sound, it can actually be detrimental.

Why? Because one of the keys to misery is trying to please everyone. Based on the experiences of many successful people, what you need to do is to concentrate on a specific group of people.

However, “leaving” people out may make you feel uncomfortable or guilty. The way Pamela reframes this belief is by having different levels of offering.

Because your time is limited, there is only so much you can do. If you run a business, start to think how you can save your personal time for your best clients, and use the rest of the time creating packages to serve your other customer base.

In Pamela’s case, she started creating home study programs so that the people who couldn’t afford to invest in her private consulting can still get the benefit of her expertise in the form of a training course.

Click here to join the 2014 Tapping World Summit

How to apply your new money reframes

Pamela warns about people who Tap along to the routine but don’t implement their new money reframes into their lives. The end result then is the same: no change.

In my case, I have used Pamela’s method to clear my money myths. Pamela mentions the importance of living and embodying the new reframes, and in hindsight this is what I did.

I chose to “reject” my lower money set point in order to accept the higher money set point. The side effect of this is I resigned from my day job to start working on my business, where I can serve more people and be rewarded more abundantly.

The result is outstanding: I have turned my previously annual income into a monthly income!

That does sound like a miracle, doesn’t it? The process took around a year though.

Returning to the original goal list at the beginning of this tutorial:

1. Did I double or triple my income? Yes (and then some!)
2. Did I overcome my hidden saboteur? Yes (automatically)
3. Did I rewrite my money set point? Absolutely

Of course, I achieved these goals over a period of 13 months. It’s not impossible that you can do the same. The key is in understanding the core of these reframes: value yourself more, respect yourself more, and love yourself more.

This is what Pamela is truly advocating: that by loving yourself more, you too can end your struggling and start enjoying the abundance you desire in your life.

Tapping for Money: How Your Emotions Affect Your Finances

The Tapping World Summit is a wonderful event. It has never failed to teach me new insights regarding issues that I didn’t know I had – especially about money.

If you know my story, I previously struggled with my finances.

It was a double edged sword too: the more struggle I endured, the more stressed I became; and the more stressed I was, the more struggling I endured!

I needed to find a way out (fast), and Tapping on my money issues provided major pain relief.

So how does Tapping on your emotions work to resolve your financial issues, like it did for me?

That’s what I want to share with you in this article.

In this post, I will share what I have learned from the very first session of the 2013 Tapping World Summit with Nick Ortner: “How to Create an Abundant and Fulfilling Financial Future Through Tapping”.

The science behind why your emotions affect your finances

Jessica opens up this session with this piece of data:

In a survey done by the American Psychological Association, 73% of Americans listed money as the number one factor that affects their stress level.

I also remember Burt Goldman of Quantum Jumping saying that 80% of his students want to improve their wealth as their No. 1 reason for self improvement.

As you can see, the numbers approximate each other here, so there is validity in this empiric data.

Your emotions affect your finances because your emotions affects your performance.

When you are stressed, you become severely less creative. This condition does not inspire you to find the solutions that can resolve your financial issues.

For a simple example, how do you feel when you are in the shower? You feel relaxed, right?

Usually, people get the best ideas when they’re in the shower (I know this because I am a musician also and I often find the lyrics to a song I am working on … in the shower!).

When you are relaxed, you become more creative. This is how the human brain works: you can access more potential from your brain when it is at a more relaxed brain wave level.

This brain wave level is known as the Alpha level (perhaps you’ve heard of it?).

This Alpha level is the same level that you reach when you are about to fall asleep. If you progress further, you move into the Theta and Delta levels, which are usually only accessible during deep sleep.

The Theta and Delta levels actually have more potential than Alpha levels in terms of creative power, but to access it requires very rigorous mental training. Therefore, accessing your Alpha level is more realistic and approachable.

This is where Tapping comes in: you can Tap in order to induce your brain waves to vibrate at an Alpha level. This condition will bring out your creative powers, and increase the chance of finding the solution to your financial issues.

Nick explains further how your emotions affect your finances:

I think that’s such a big part of a lot of projects and dreams and goals is that we often drop off of them so quickly when that anxiety hits, when that stress hits, and we don’t stay in that clear resourceful place that if you stick with it things can happen in a big way.

Remember, creativity and anxiety cannot co-exist in the same mental space.

Your wealth is an expression of your deepest self

OK, now that you know the science behind why emotions affect your finances, let’s take a look at how Nick Ortner approaches resolving his own issues.

Nick starts by explaining that:

The finances and money is really an expression of who we are at our deepest level

This agrees with what Bob Proctor says that wealth is in consciousness.

What you experience when you view your self creates the experiences that surround your wealth.

If you are a person that is full of energy, enthusiasm, and a strong sense of self worth, then that attitude will clearly attract a wealthy environment to you. On the other hand, if you express yourself as a weak person, pessimistic, and lack from self esteem, then clearly wealth will stay out of your way.

Here is a model that explains how the stress and anxiety you feel surrounding money actually takes away from the value that you can receive from it:

Abundant financial future model

1. These are the values that you want to achieve

You want to produce money. You want personal fulfillment. You want to make a difference, and you want to value yourself.

Nick Ortner says the truth is these are all “lumped together”, they come in hand with each other.

2. You need better judgment to achieve these values

You are a creative and resourceful person. You can use your better judgment to determine which are the correct next steps to take to move towards your financial abundant future.

However, the NOISE gets in your way.

This NOISE comes from the stress and anxiety that you feel regarding your money issues. These negative emotions fog up your sense of clear judgement, making you feel confused and apprehensive about what choice you need to take.

Where does the stress and anxiety come from? They come from your limiting beliefs (we’ll get to this part a little further down).

3. The NOISE diminishes your resourcefulness and courage

Resourcefulness is a key character to achieve the wealth you desire. You also need the courage to make the right decisions – both of these are clearly apparent in today’s most successful entrepreneurs.

However, the stress you feel from the Step 2 above reduces your capability to gather the resources you need and to act on those opportunities that come your way.

4. The NOISE also diminishes your self esteem

Not only that, the stress and anxiety also affect how you view your self – your self esteem.

Without self esteem, there is very little chance that you can score that promotion or attract customers for the business you want to start. Whatever path of wealth creation you choose, you will only attract the amount of wealth equal to how much you value yourself.

5. Wealth is an expression of WHO I AM

When you can minimize the affect of the NOISE, you can start to achieve your financial abundant future step by step.

Obviously, you won’t get rich overnight, and you still need to do the technical work involved – but by reducing the degree of NOISE you can move forwards towards your goal with less friction.

When you are starting to secure a more satisfying financial position, your energy channels will open up and you will get a better vantage point to express your true self even greater.

Nick explains further about the core of this expression:

It’s from that place where the deepest wisdom comes forward. It’s also from that place, that grounded centered place, where we can really connect to what’s going on.

Where we can recognize how do I really feel, what’s the answer here, what’s the question here, what is it that I’m trying to uncover and figure out?

How to clear out your NOISE

OK, so now you know the neuro science behind how your emotions affect your finances and you have a visual representation of the NOISE that prevents you from creating financial abundance.

The next step then is to know how to reduce or even eliminate that mental block, so you can start to manifest the financial future that you desire.

From the Summit session featuring Nick Ortner, there are 3 distinct aspects that you need to clear in order to truly release the mental blocks holding you back from abundance.

The 3 aspects are your financial programming based on your past, present, and future.

Obviously, the normal way to approach it would be to start clearing your past programming first. In the Summit though, Nick starts with your present programming, because this is where most people feel stressed and anxious about their finances.

The way I approach though is to start at the end, and then work my way back, just like Stephen Covey says in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “begin with the end in mind”.

1. Your future financial programming

What are the beliefs that hold you back from creating a financially abundant future? What worries do you project into the future, based on the beliefs you have now?

Most people associate “being rich” with “being greedy”. Some people go so far as to associate rich people with corrupt power responsible for the degeneration our society is going through.

Though there are socially degenerative rich people, that does not mean all rich people are so. In fact, money is simply an amplifier: if you are a kind person, then your wealth will only amplify your generosity.

What kind of future finance do you want? How does the image of this future look like in your mind?

When you have a clear picture, then ask yourself: what beliefs must I develop (or what beliefs must I change) in order to achieve that future?

The belief of “rich people are greedy” is one you need to clear. The belief that you need to develop is “when I am wealthy, I can love myself and other people more than I do right now”.

2. Your past financial programming

Here is where most of your negative programming comes from.

The experiences you had as a child, in your family, from your friends and environment as you grew up, form the foundation of your current financial beliefs.

You might not have been aware of it at the time, but even the slightest nuances or things your parents said can embed a thought so subtle in your subconscious that in time grows to be a limiting belief.

One such belief includes thinking that money isn’t spiritual. This is a belief that Nick says resonates with a lot of people – including me (at least, in the past I had this belief too).

Along my (long and sluggish) journey though, I came to realize and accept (and even embrace) that owning and managing money is a critical resource to achieve a higher level of spiritual enlightenment.

In the smaller scale there are plenty of actions you can take that require financial strength to grow yourself as a spiritual person.

I will share with you further below this article on how I think money is a spiritual tool.

3. Your current or present financial programming

This is probably the most urgent issue you need to work on: your present beliefs about money.

Clearly, in order to resolve all your financial programming (past, present, and future), you need to work on finding out what your beliefs are and then do Tapping to clear them.

Therefore, here I will share the transcript of the Tapping routine that Nick does to reduce anxiety about current financial programming.

(I assume you already know how to Tap, but if you don’t then please refer to this page for the manual)

So tapping on the side of the hand:

SH: Even though I have all this anxiety about money,
I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I’m really anxious about money,
I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I’m feeling so anxious about money,
I deeply and completely accept myself.

EB: All this anxiety about money.
SE: Letting it go.
UE: I can’t let it go.
UN: I need to be anxious.
CH: All this anxiety.
CB: If I don’t worry about money,
UA: Then nothing will change.
TH: I need to be anxious.

EB: I need to stay on guard.
SE: I need to be on alert,
UE: About money.
UN: I can’t stop thinking about money.
CH: I can’t stop thinking about finances.
CB: All this anxiety about money.
UA: I wonder if I can let it go.
TH: I wonder if I should let it go.

EB: I wonder if I should let part of it go.
SE: I can’t let it go.
UE: I need this anxiety.
UN: I need to stay alert.
CH: All this anxiety.
CB: Releasing it now.
UA: I choose to release some of this now.
TH: I choose to release this anxiety.

EB: It’s safe to release this anxiety.
SE: It’s safe to feel safe,
UE: Around money and finances.
UN: I choose to release this anxiety.
CH: Letting it go.
CB: Feeling safe now.
UA: Feeling safe now.
TH: Releasing all this stress and anxiety.

Take a deep breath, and let it go.

This is taken directly from the transcript that comes with the Gold or Platinum Membership. If you want to own the transcripts so you can repeat the Tapping routine at home, then I highly recommend you place your order when the doors are open (February 24, 2014):

Click here to join the 2014 Summit

Use this Tapping routine (and the ones inside the transcript) to help you reduce the NOISE coming from your past, present, and future financial programming and break through to the abundant future.

How I plan to reduce my own NOISE

While I was reading the transcript to write this short post, a small intention became stronger inside me: I am stepping into the next part of my future by moving into complete control of my finances.

You see, even though I have an online business that makes more than 10 times what I make in my day job, I still feel apprehensive about completely leaving my day job.

I understand that this day job is the “elephant rope” that keeps me chained to the previous version of me – if I can let go of this peg, then I have entirely moved into a new me.

This makes me feel 2 distinct and opposite emotions:

1. On one side, I can’t wait to quit my day job and focus entirely on my online business

2. On the other side, I feel anxious about leaving the “security” a day job offers

Intellectually (and based on performance data), the logical step would be to quit the day job. Emotionally however, I still feel the fear of change.

More than that though, if I do quit then I will assume 100% total responsibility of my finances.

Perhaps previously when something goes wrong, I can still pivot to the safety of my day job. If I do make the move however, then I no longer have this crutch – it’s either do or die!

In other words: I have a bigger fear of being responsible for myself.

Despite this fear, I know it is a move I must make. My future depends on it, and I truly believe that the only way I can contribute my full potential to the people of this planet is to go out on my own.

That way, I will clear up the physical and mental space necessary to grow my ideas to fruition.

This is how money becomes spiritual for me.

The next step for me then, is to confront my employer and tell him “I will no longer be requiring your services”.

Wish me luck!

5 Reasons Why You Should Join the Tapping World Summit on 24 February 2014

This is one event you can’t afford to miss!

The Tapping World Summit is going to be held again on 24 February, 2014. This free event has attracted more than 500,000 people in 2012 and again in 2013 alone. The team behind the Summit – Nick Ortner, Jessica Ortner, and Alex Ortner – are known for over delivering a high value experience to the Tapping community.

This Summit is going to teach you a lot about Tapping and how to use it to increase the quality of your life. Tapping (also known as Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT) is mostly used to heal both physical and emotional injuries, but you can use it to increase your self confidence or other cognitive enhancements.

So if you are under stress, trauma, or simply searching for a method that is proven to increase your physical and mental health, this Summit is for you!

To help you prepare (or help you get you familiar if this is your first time), I am going to provide a review containing updates leading up to the event. Since I was a participant and customer of the 2012 and 2013 Summits, I am also going to write my personal testimonial using the method in helping live a healthier life (especially for sleeping).

What’s so special about the Tapping World Summit?

You see, there are plenty of self improvement techniques out there that promise you outrageous claims. But, only a very select few deliver on their promise. This is because many programs are too conceptual or too theoretical to apply into your daily life.

Maybe you’ve been disappointed from some of the products, and if you are then I understand how you feel. The good thing is that I can assure you the Tapping Solution is near 100% actionable content. It’s very easy to do (only takes 5 minutes), and very easy to follow through step by step instructions.

Of course, if you have no idea what Tapping is, then you can watch this video where Jessica Ortner walks you through a simple routine. I could explain it, but it’s much easier to understand by watching a visual demonstration:

Why should I join the World Summit?

If you’re interest is not piqued yet, then here are 5 reasons why you should join the 2014 Tapping Summit:

1. 100% actionable content. Throughout the Summit, each speaker focuses on a specific area of healing. This can be physical healing (as in for sports athletes), or emotional healing (as in a couple going through divorce). Each topic has a Tapping routine to follow so you get results immediately.

2. Add to your self improvement arsenal. If you know about Tapping, then it’s probably one of your most used modalities. If you don’t, then you can add this method to your arsenal of tools for better health, better emotions, and even better wealth – since there is a session on Tapping for money!

3. Become part of a great community. The hosts of this Summit (the Ortner siblings) are great people that you can connect with personally on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Personally, Jessica is my favorite because she acts as the moderator and she is very funny and smart. You can connect with thousands of other Tapping users worldwide to find better ways to use the Tapping method.

4. Find your favorite speaker. As you go through the Summit, you will definitely find a favorite speaker. I suggest you search them online, as most of these Tapping experts have their own websites where you can learn more about their specific area of practice. My favorite is Pamela Bruner and her Tapping for money focus.

5. It’s free!

Click here to join the 2014 Tapping World Summit